Categories Of Unsavory Human Beings


A Bit About The Inward Abyss & Its Satellites

We all have our character flaws.  I happen to have many, but where I differ is in my unwavering dedication toward self awareness.  I would call myself a selfish person in many ways.  However, I have redeeming characteristics, and one of the positive aspects of my selfishness is that I spend an absurd amount of time thinking about myself.  Many people would call this self absorption, but I find it to be a positive quality in many respects.  One of these, is that it allows me the opportunity to meditate upon areas for growth.  Also, in the process of being introverted, I find myself honestly assessing my role in situations.  Because of this quality, I have grown tremendously in some ways.  Don’t get me wrong, though, I still have a really long way to go.  I don’t even know where I’m going, or how I’ll know when I get there.

What I do know is that my capacity for introspection has granted me the ability to look deeply into the souls of others.  I see myself in most that I come into contact with.  If for some reason I’m not able to, then I’m probably not looking diligently enough.  I could spend a great deal of your, and infinitely more important, my time explaining all of the virtues and abilities this has cultivated in me as a result, but I won’t digress into the treacherous terrain of self-absorption.  I’ll spare you of that expedition.  I assure you I have sojourned there too many times myself.  Armed with my perceptive faculties, I’ve dedicated time to share some of the more hideous traits of our fellow “post-apes”.  This post is a segmented view of “Unsavory Categories of Human Beings”.

I’d like to issue a disclaimer before venturing this topic.  As I briefly mentioned, my ability to see these people for what they are comes naturally, because of my individual experience with these shortcomings and defects.  I AM judging these people, but in doing so, I’m judging myself as well.  The person I’ve been before, and the person I will be isn’t a fixed essence.  As humans we are constantly in flux.  The Buddha likened consciousness to a river.  Always flowing.  Ever changing.  Impermanence is our birthright, and we see its finite nature in everything physical.  The material set forth has been exaggerated a bit, because, after all, taking ourselves too seriously is neither interesting, nor healthy.

Categories of Unsavory Human Beings

The Communications Expert

There’s a large body of individuals that love to talk at you, but don’t want to hear a single thing you have to say. These are people (maybe) that don’t learn anything, because they think they know everything.  They’re not aware of how to expand their horizons by taking the suggestions of others.  It’s easy to spot these people.  Just try to talk to them, and see how quickly they start to look at their phones, or watch the blank stare come across their face as they resume thinking about themselves. These assholes have another penchant, and Facebook is the medium they use to exercise it.  They’ll message you to prattle about all of their personal bullshit (they’re usually tangled up in some sort of drama), especially if you’re a good listener.  Really, though, it doesn’t matter if you’re truly a good listener.  As long as you don’t interrupt their long-winded, self-centered soliloquies – you’re suitable prey.  Once they’re done verbally vomiting, they’re bound to exit the conversation so they can ruin someone else’s afternoon.  If there was something that you wanted to talk to them about, there’s a good chance they don’t give two, or three shits; so you’re better off with someone less narcissistic.  Take my advice!  They’re not interested in your life!!  Don’t try to share it with them unless you’re experimenting with a unique brand of masochism.

This should go without saying, but just in case it doesn’t, I’d like to state that almost everyone does this at one point in their life.  Sometimes, we’re just very excited, and have a hard time paying attention to the affairs of others.  Don’t feel too badly if you’ve ever played this role.  If you’re aware that you’ve done this before, then you’re probably a conscientious person with good intentions.  If I just pulled your card, and you’re realizing for the first time that you’re a communications pro, then you should really take a look at the reasons you’re engaging in this behavior, and think about changing, because the only people that are willing to talk to you, aren’t doing so because you’re that interesting.  They’re either exercising their threshold for politeness, or their cowardice is withholding the truth.

I’m Better Than You (Slightly)

Have you ever told someone a story, and they’re able to tell a similar story, but it’s better and more grandiose in some way?  If you’re over the age of ten then you probably have, and that’s because the “I’m A Little Bit Better Than You” personality is quite pervasive in our society.  Usually, these people don’t know how to tell an original story, but they’re envious of the people who can.  Taking something that isn’t their own comes naturally to these cretins.  So, it originated in the life of someone that happened to cross paths with this ignoramus, and, said ignoramus, deemed it so shockingly interesting that they added it to their catalogue of jaw dropping and incredible fables.  Oftentimes, these people lack the ability to keep their lies straight, and if you’re more intelligent than a chicken or small bird you’ll notice inconsistencies.  Once these inconsistencies arise, just ask them to give you more details, and enjoy as you watch them squirm under the weight of their own dishonesty.

What interests me is that while they’re listening to your story, they’ve already begun the process of fabrication, and this is where the “one-up-manship” occurs.  You caught a fourteen inch small mouth bass?  That’s nothing.  They caught a sixteen inch small mouth bass, and they were tripping on LSD while they did it.  What they’ll refrain from telling you is they bought the LSD from a storyteller who was more captivating in every capacity.  Admitting this fact would be far too shocking to their fragile self esteem.  In the rare event that they share this account, you can be sure it was heavily modified.  To admit there is a person with abilities in excess of their own would be tantamount to suicide.  Their version would go something like this:

I’m Better Than You (slightly): “Man, I was at the COOLEST ‘festie’, and I met this guy who was selling the BEST acid.”

Unfortunate Victim: “Yeah?  What was he like?”

I.B.T.Y (s): “He was alright, I guess, but he kept staring at my girl.  Then, he told us this story that was so boring.  I had to  take some acid just to liven the evening up a bit.

U.V.: “I thought you said that your girl stayed at home when you went to that concert?”

I.B.T.Y (s): “Oh…yeah!  Well, it was a girl that I was hanging out with there.”

U.V.: “So you cheated on your girlfriend?”

I.B.T.Y (s):No, man, we were just hanging out!” (Getting irritated)

U.V.: “Then what’s the problem with him staring at her?”

I.B.T.Y (s):Nothing, I guess.  It’s just something that I noticed.”

U.V.: “Interesting.”

Note: All of the green words are lies.

Sir-Proof That There Are Dumb Questions-Esquire

Allow me to share a story about one of the most twisted busters around this town.  I’ll spare you the inconsequential details of this person’s persona.  They’re neither here, nor there, but somewhere they lurk, patiently awaiting the opportunity to make someone’s day an escapade through hell-on-earth.  I’d like to illustrate the primary ploy this particular tool bag cannot get enough of.  Before doing so, though, I’d like to be clear about something.  The person I’m about to mildly dissect isn’t lacking intelligence.  They’re actually quite smart, albeit not as smart as they think they are.  We’ll call this pariah “Sir Proof” to avoid excessive, ambiguous pronouns.  Laden with an arsenal of worthless, disgusting, and sociopathic buggery – Sir Proof has been cursed with a gauntlet of mental illnesses.  With that being said, I’d like to further your picture of this individual with the knowledge that Sir Proof, on a multitude of unfortunate occasions, completely betrayed my trust and hurt people that I happen to love, in very profound ways.  Simply put, if you act like an apathetic bitch – then prepare to embrace your karma.

Prior to my policy of incommunicado with this wretched beast, instances of text messaging between us happened on a semi-regular frequency.  I would send Sir Proof a text message, and in my haste I’d misspell one word.  Though incorrect, the intended spelling would have been quite clear to most people.  However, this undesirable exercised his compulsory capriciousness, overrode the lofty task of exercising the prefrontal cortex to avoid wasting my time, my patience, and my potential respect for their intelligence.  That’s just one example of the onslaught of stupidity that oozed out of the face of this living example of God’s cruelty.

In this person’s case, lurking just beneath the surface of stupidity, are reasons for that stupidity.  Like me, this person spends an excessive (to say the least) amount of time racked with self-obsession.  What differentiates us is I like to take an active listening role in conversations.  It’s polite, and you learn a great deal more from listening than you do when you’re just flapping your mandibles.  In her distorted version of reality, though, participating in conversation detracts from her main priority; since she’s more interested in herself, she’d rather tend to her urgent auto-tirades.  In the midst of this session of perpetual me worship, she would like nothing more than to give the impression she’s listening to you.  In effect, she asks questions about what you just said.  There’s one minor problem with her complicated ruse, though.  She didn’t actually hear most of what you said.  Had she taken a break from mentally fisting herself, she’d been able to formulate a question with some substance, and purpose.

In closing I’d like to enlighten my readers about myself a bit.  I’m what society would call an addict, and I’ve been that way for quite some time.  Addiction has its benefits, and its liabilities.  In seeking to gain understanding on this condition, I’ve spent a good portion of time at the tables of Alcoholics Anonymous, and Narcotics Anonymous.  For those of you unfamiliar with the programs, what they’re, perhaps, most known for is “sharing” at a table.  There have been times where tables take over two hours, and during that course of time you’re supposed to listen to what’s being discussed.  There is no “cross-talk”.  After attending for many years, most people become very patient listeners.  Some of the more evolved members learn to quiet their mind while a table is in progress.  This means that they’re denying the strong desire to think about what they’re going to say when it’s their turn to share.  I look back on my time spent there with a lot of gratitude, because I was fortunate enough to have cultivated this mindset.  Of course, I’m not perfect in any endeavor, and I fall short of my ideal standard of communication.  I’m able to notice when other people aren’t paying attention, but this isn’t anything special.  Most people are observant enough to tell when someone doesn’t give a shit.  Don’t be that person that tries to deny reality, and act as if they’re partaking in dialogue – dialogue that they couldn’t care less about.


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